“I was in the right place but it must have been the wrong time.” – Dr. John
I was at a bachelor party around 15 years ago. As with most of these parties, it was in a strip joint. And unlike most guys who tell their wives and girlfriends, “Honey, I hate going to strip clubs, but I couldn’t let the guys down. You understand.” I, on the other hand, have had a good time every time I’ve been in a strip joint.
I think strippers are like chocolate…even the bad ones are good. Beside, it’s possibly the only industry on the planet that’s immune to the economy and inflation. What do I mean by this? When I was 17 I walked into a strip joint for the first time. When the girl was finished her dance, I like everyone else, threw a dollar on the stage. The last time I went to a club, back in 2005, when the girl finished her song, once again, I threw a dollar on stage. Both the first and last time, it was the best deal on the planet. I get to see something strange and naked for virtually free. But I digress.
The girl that was dancing at the bachelor party suddenly called out my name with a question mark at the end. I was in shock because I didn’t know any strippers. But she knew me. And as my eyes moved up from her waistline to her face, I realized I knew her too. She was a fitness trainer from a gym that I worked out in.
Now for an even bigger coincidence. There’s a woman who works out at the same gym as Serena and I. She’s instantly recognizable from her buzz cut, extremely lean body mass and freakishly large fake breasts. The woman is basically a gym rat. She told Serena she was a trainer, and if she ever wanted to get into great shape to give her a call. The thing is, Serena is already in great shape. I’d say she’s in phenomenal shape considering she is training for her second marathon.
Now here’s where the strange twist comes into this story. A week ago, an old friend of mine from high school who generally sends out several e-mails a day with right-wing views, Christian messages or funny and strange pornographic material from the Internet, send me something that caught my attention. I was surprised to see the trainer who was soliciting business was also a porn star.
I told you that to tell you this. Am I saying porn stars and strippers make bad fitness experts? No, not at all. Being good at one thing doesn’t stop you from being good at other things. I’m good at shooting rifles. It doesn’t prevent me from being a good fitness trainer. The point I want to make is, the probability of a stripper or a porn star having the proper education to be a fitness expert is low.
And it doesn’t stop there. There are a lot of soccer moms who drop their kids off at school then try to start a cottage industry as a fitness person. They get their credentials by taking a course. I’ve always found this to be nothing short of laughable. I spent four years in college getting what they got in one weekend.
And by the way, those who certify these people are not certified or sanctioned by any governing body. It’s not like I can start an astronaut training school and after one weekend tell someone they’re ready to fly a shuttle.
There’s no shortage of coaches on the Internet offering training programs for runners, cyclists and triathletes. Most of these people got all of their training by reading a Joe Friel book. I’m a fan of Joe Friel. I think his books are excellent. I suggest before hiring a coach for a lot of money, you should buy one of Joe’s books. You’ll get better advice, and it won’t be watered down by a so-called expert.
I apologize if I have gotten off on a rant here today. But sometimes I get sick and tired of taking on clients who have been screwed over by a self-described expert. Now I must go and find a great picture of Sophia Loren to calm my nerves. Thank you very much.
