As always, I was up early last Saturday morning. It was Christmas and I didn’t want to waste any time. Not because I had Christmas stuff to take care of, I had all of that done already. It had been raining for a week straight. Saturday was going to be the first clear day before another storm came through. I had bike riding on my mind. So there I was in the kitchen sipping on some Cajun coffee and eating oatmeal. As I got my bottles ready for the bike, I was almost giddy, like a kid waiting for Santa Claus. And yes, that pun was intended. I had the television on in the kitchen with some background noise. As always early on a Saturday, it was one infomercial after another. One infomercial told me I needed a different blender for my fruits and vegetables. It said the material would turn hot, and I would have instant soap. It then explained how healthy this would be for me. So I flipped to another channel. There was a guy explaining how I could get ripped abs without doing any sit ups. He claimed I would only have to do some dance moves. I actually said “Bullshit” out loud as I changed the channel. The next infomercial showed a well-muscled guy with what looked to be a dumbbell. At first I thought, finally, a real piece of fitness equipment. Then I noticed he only had one and had both hands around the center. He was moving it back and forth in a jerking off motion. Once again, I stopped and said “You gotta be kidding me.”
Saturday Night Live even poked fun at the Shake Weight commercial.
Even if this works, who would ever do this in public? Then I realized it couldn’t possibly work. I’ve been jerking off for years and look nothing like the guy in the ads. I told you that to tell you this. A lot of these products are based on little or no research whatsoever. Most of the research is thin at best. In a lot of cases, the money isn’t there to do a full double-blind study for the products seen on television. I don’t talk about this quite enough, but I know for a fact that some of the things that are chiseled in stone in the health and fitness industry are wrong. In some cases, these “truths” are based on one study that may be more than 50 years old. Even though the actual truth has come out in subsequent years, we as a society tend not to follow it or believe it. It’s much easier to perpetuate the lie. Before you buy a magic pill or try to Jazzercise the fat away or try to jerk off a dumbbell, spend a little time learning the truth. Remember: If it seems to good to be true, it is.
