I was sitting on the patio at King’s Fish House the other day having one of my favorite lunches, salmon and broccoli. I know what you’re thinking, that’s the healthiest damn meal you’ve ever heard of. But you know what, I love fish. I love all fish. I’ve never had one that I didn’t like. And broccoli? My all-time favorite vegetable. There’s only one vegetable I love more, and that’s chocolate. I know what you’re thinking. Cocoa beans are not vegetables. I know. But I love it anyway. As I sat there enjoying my lunch, I was also people watching. If you don’t live in the greater Los Angeles area, it’s a fun thing to do. It’s like watching a freak show. This one woman walked up and she was a crowd stopper. She had so many procedures done to her face, she looked mutilated. You couldn’t see a lot of the handy work because she had those big idiot sunglasses on. You know the kind. The ones that looked like the glasses you got as a joke when you were a kid at the state fair. It didn’t stop there. She also had the biggest boob job I’ve seen in a while. For those of you who are not familiar with the Calabasas area, let me give you a lesson. Calabasas is adjacent to Chatsworth, which is the unofficial porn capital of the world. That’s the end of your geography lesson. Now for a quick lesson in adult entertainment. It’s typically in a porn star’s best interest to have extremely large breasts. If they don’t have them, they buy them. Why did I tell you all of that? Well, I’d say this woman had the largest boobs I’ve ever seen, and trust me, due to where I live, I’ve seen some big ones. She was a literal freak show. But the fun didn’t stop there. She also weighed about two bills. Maybe even 210. This woman was such a freak that all the other plastic surgery victims sitting around me couldn’t believe what they were looking at. I told you that to tell you this. Do I feel bad for this woman or people like her who go out and mutilate their faces and bodies in the interest of looking better? Absolutely not. Each one of us has a certain amount of time on this planet. If something will make you feel better, go for it. But it doesn’t stop me from being perplexed with the situation. Let me explain. I can’t understand for one minute why a woman like the one who walked in that day would spend the money and go through the amount of pain that plastic surgery causes. Yet she doesn’t seem to care one bit about the size of her ass, or the fact that obesity leads to a myriad of problems (heart disease, cancer, you name it). The mere fact that these people will spend the time, effort and money, then go through pain, proves they are narcissistic enough to want to look good. Yet they don’t care enough to spend a little time on something that will not only make them look better but will also improve their health.
