I was talking to my nephew today. He works for a large corporation. As we chit chatted, I asked him what he was going to do after work. He said nothing special, just that he had to take a harassment test. In my 30-plus years of being employed, I’ve only worked for myself. I’ve never had an employer. So I asked him what this test was all about. He explained to me that it was a three-hour waste of time that employees in most companies have to endure. It’s basically a test covering anything and everything that could be considered sexual harassment. Jokingly I asked if everyone has to take them or just the perverts like him. He laughed it off then got serious. “You know, it’s kind of like the airport, where every passenger is treated like a criminal.” My fascination continued. I think my nephew was confused by the fact that I had no idea what he was talking about. I have never been part of a workplace environment. I explained to him how I asked a friend if people literally stood around water coolers and had chats. In my life I only heard the term “watercooler chat” in movies and such. People apparently gather around the kitchen while they wait for their pre-fab meal to heat up in a microwave. I told you that to tell you this. I started thinking about what my nephew had to say. I realized that I could never have a regular job. Not because I couldn’t be caged in a cubicle like an animal. Not because I’d have to dress up and wear a tie. I realized I could never have another job because I’ve never learned to play with others in the workforce. As a matter of fact, my life is the antithesis of this. My female clientele loves it when I tell them they have a great ass, or the fact that I notice their legs are getting firm. They literally lift their shirts and have me pinch their stomach when they’re proud of the fact that they have little or no body fat anymore. They say things to me like, “Do you think it’s time for a facelift or do I need to have my tits done?” Why am I telling you all of this? Simple. I’m bragging. But the real truth is, I think we’ve taken it a little too far. Do I think employees should play grab-ass in the office? Absolutely not. But in this day and age when the country is getting fatter than ever, I feel the people who are doing something about it should be recognized as such. In my opinion, that’s not sexual harassment.
