He stood at the opposite end of the bar with a couple of buddies. He was tall with a perfect tan. His hair was long and wavy. It was kind of a sandy brown with blonde streaks in it. And it was thick…as think as a morning fog in San Francisco.
He took his right hand and ran it over the top of his head as he stared at me, his eyes as blue as the Mediterranean, on an August afternoon. It was as if the whole world had disappeared from that bar, except for the two of us. I pretended not to notice that he was checking me out. But I loved every minute of it.
He walked over to meet me with his two buddies following closely behind, looking more like three cattle grazing in the field as they moved closer. He said “Ciao, bella” with a thick Italian accent, causing my knees to buckle.
This was a story my friend Kristine relayed to me a couple of weeks back. She then asked me how quickly she could lose ten pounds.
I told you that to tell you this. I gave her the usual advice, the only kind that works. Cut down on calories overall, and spend more time at the gym. Not doing worthless classes, like pilates or yoga, but the type of exercises that really make you burn the calories, like spinning, treadmill running and stair climbing. I also encouraged her to go on Weight Watchers.
I spoke to my friend about a week later when she called to tell me the plan was working. She had lost five pounds, and wanted to know if there was more she could do. I told her to stay the course. She was doing fine. I also told her she might not lose five pounds the next week, she might lose two.
It’s been three weeks. I heard from my friend again, and she asked me a question that has always bothered and disturbed me: “What do you think about cleansing diets?’ She had all of the usual answers. Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher did it. I reminded her that they are actors and not health advisers. Beyonce did it, and she lost weight. Well, she’s a singer. She doesn’t know about health and fitness.
There is no shortage of cleansing diets out there. They all promise to rid your body of the impurities, pesticides and toxins. It’s a way to “start over” with your body.
The people giving this advice? Someone the health food store hired at minimum wage. It always seems these people have way too many piercings and tattoos, and look gaunt and unhealthy.
As a matter of fact, one day I wanted to have a little fun. So I walked into a Whole Foods and asked one of these Bohemian types to help me pick out vitamins and supplements. I then randomly walked up and down the aisles pointing at bottles on the shelves. There seemed to be an answer as to why I needed everything I pointed to, as if I couldn’t live without these products.
I finally said to the girl, “In your opinion, I need one of everything in this store.” And she replied, “Yes.” Then I noted there must be about 3,000 items in the place. I would never leave the house. But I digress.
Do I think the human body needs a cleansing? No. Our body naturally cleanses itself if we eat something really bad for us…it causes us to throw up. Do we need colonics? Or enemas? No. The last time I checked, my ass didn’t come with a spigot.
Do I think multivitamins are a good idea? Yes, I do. I have links here to places like Netrition, where you can find plenty of these products.
Do I think calcium and magnesium supplements are good? Absolutely, yes.
And do I think Italian men are good for women? Probably not. So, good luck, Kristine.
