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I hate scary movies. They don’t scare me. It says right in the title that it’s a scary movie, yet I watch and it’s not scary.
One situation when I love going to scary movies is when I can get one of my friends to come along who talks to the screen. I’m not sure why, or how this even started, but some people literally yell at the movie.
They won’t do it at romantic comedies, nor at action films. My friend Donald would often become a director sitting in the movie, telling the hot chick not to open the door over and over as the suspenseful music got louder and louder. Once she opened the door and got hacked to death, Donald would spend the next few minutes explaining how he told her not to do it.
I told you that to tell you this. I too have a problem. When I watch television, I generally have a constant commentary, especially if it’s a reality show. Sometimes it drives Serena crazy, sometimes she just laughs.
In order to be a good sport the other night, I watched my first and only episode of the Bachelorette. It was the finale. This is where the chick chooses between the last two guys standing. Keep in mind these are two guys she met only a month earlier. Somehow they’re going to spend the rest of their lives together.
At one point she was on the beach with this really suave Spanish kid. All of a sudden it started raining. I don’t know about you, but every time I get caught in the rain, I tend to seek shelter. But not these two love birds. They decided it was time to go into the ocean. And that’s when I noticed for the first time that she was wearing what I refer to as an ass flag. You see it a lot of times on chicks at the beach. Sometimes you’ll see it when women wear tights. By the way, tights are a privilege, not a right. It’s one of those sarongs that you wrap around your waist. You think it says “Oh, I just happen to have this around my waist.” But what it really says is “I’m too effing fat and I don’t want anyone to see my huge ass.”
While I’m on the subject, is it just me or is it every time you see a license plate that says “hot babe” or “sexy mom” it’s always falsely advertised?
I’ve also noticed that fat chicks always seem to have perfect nails. These are the same women who complain they don’t have time to go to the gym. Why am I saying all this? Simple, not to put down fat women or fat people in general. It’s to say that everyone has time for a little exercise and to eat right. After all, you can spend time and money on manicures and pedicures.
The same goes for the sarong. If you can go out of your way to find something to wrap around your waist just to go out on the beach, you can figure out how to keep the weight off in the first place. If you can spend time and effort hiding fat, you can do the same getting rid of it.
