I was standing in a horse barn one day. I was talking to one of the barn hands. I looked down the row of stalls and saw someone I didn’t know standing there.
The horse had its head peering out and the woman was making all kinds of motions around the horse’s head but not actually touching the animal. Her hands were waving slowly kind of like Barbara Eden when she danced on the I Dream of Jeannie sitcom. This woman’s movements were slower and more labored. It was as if she was moving her hands through a giant bowl of Jello.
So I asked the groom who I was standing next to, let’s call him Bobby, since that was his name, about the woman. I asked, “Bobby, what’s that woman doing?” He explained to me that she was a horse psychic who had been hired by the owner of the horse. I repeated back to him in disbelief, “A horse psychic?!” He replied, “Yeah, that’s right.”
He went on to explain that the owner wanted to know what his horse was thinking. The psychic was charging $500 for 20 minutes. Bobby then said, “Hell, give me $500, I’ll tell you what that horse is thinking. It’s thinking, ‘I need some more alfalfa and grains.'”
I told you that to tell you this. I live in southern California, commonly known around the country as the land of fruit and nuts. People will buy into anything.
One of those things happens to be chiropractic care. The thought pattern is that the body needs alignment. And before I get a hundred e-mails about scoliosis and other conditions, I’m here to tell you general exercise will do more for such conditions than chiropractic care, which will do absolutely nothing.
Here’s some news: Your body is not out of alignment. And even it was, a glorified knuckle-popper will not be able to get it back into alignment. Some of these idiots refer to themselves as doctors. But they’re not doctors. If someone was having a heart attack on an airplane and someone yelled out for a doctor, these idiots wouldn’t be of any help. But I digress.
So you may ask. What’s the popping noise I hear when a chiropractor works on my back? That noise is the same sound as when you pop your knuckles. It’s not like your fingers get straighter when you pop your knuckles. The noise is simply nitrogen bubbles that build up between joints and pop from the quick release. It’s kind of like popping gum between teeth.
So the next time you have a sore neck or a tight back, do yourself a favor and pop a couple of Advil. And know you’ve just saved a ton of money.
