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Miracle weight-loss stories are frequently splashed throughout the cottage industry of celebrity news. We put certain people on a pedestal, and look to them for advice on everything from politics to weight loss.

Why would they have any special information? Just because someone can act, or sing, or dance, doesn’t mean they have the credentials to give such advice.

It seems that we often take mental shortcuts. We figure anyone who has figured out how to win an Oscar or an Emmy must have a grip on everything else in their life. But this isn’t true. Celebrities are flawed, too.

Oprah gives health advice all the time. It’s just a part of the entire Oprah network. She seems to have her hand in just about everything. What’s next? The Oprah douche?

I’m trying to remember exactly where I was standing when she become a doctor, or even an expert on anything. Oprah is nothing more than a brand. She has been called the world’s most influential woman, but that usually comes with people of great wealth. And that doesn’t mean she is the best person to influence our health.

Oprah has catapulted others to success. One of them, Dr. Phil McGraw, is a psychologist who has actually written books on weight loss. That is not even his area of expertise. He doesn’t specialize in weight loss, it’s just one of the many balls he juggles. It’s all an act. If he knew anything, he would take his own advice and be in better shape. News flash: Dr. Phil is fat. Stop listening to him.

Dr. Phil, like Oprah, tries to be all things to everyone. People catch on and listen to them because of their celebrity status. They must know something, they figured out how to get on television. But then again, so did Anna Nicole Smith. Of course she also lost weight, and pushed a diet product and ended up dead.

If Oprah knows so much, and has so many experts surrounding her, why does she stay fat? Her so-called “fitness guru” Bob Greene sure has a lot of products to sell. Maybe writing all of those books keeps him from working with his most famous client. In the meantime, Oprah’s waistline continues to grow like her bank account.

It’s all about results, and these “experts” don’t get them. Why would anyone take advice that clearly doesn’t work?

Kirstie Alley is another famous fatso. Judging from her site, she’s fatter than ever. And this is a woman who made millions just a couple of years ago shilling for Jenny Craig. In case you’re wondering, Jenny Craig is not really in the diet business. They are in the food business just like…oh, I don’t know…McDonalds. Kirstie Alley’s latest product push is something called Organic Liaison.

“I’m not a doctor or a nutritionist. I’m a regular person,” she says on her site. I’m not sure why she calls herself a regular person. Regular people are not obese.

She then proceeds to make a bunch of unproven claims, only exposing her lack of health knowledge.

Wouldn’t you think the most resounding endorsement would be your own? Wouldn’t it be nice to say, “Take a look at me. I use my own product, and it works great!”

Kirstie Alley won’t say that because she can’t. And the same goes for Oprah, Dr. Phil and many other celebs. In my opinion, they can’t even point to their own success because they haven’t had any. It would seem as though they are failures in their personal lives. Their faulty advice is passed off as good, and they want us to purchase it.

They throw these ideas against the wall to see what sticks. They know they’re full of shit, but if they can get away with bamboozling a few people for a buck, then it’s worthwhile.

Well-known singer Carnie Wilson became even more known in the late 1990s due to her obesity. She had gastric bypass surgery in 1999, and eventually dropped to 150 pounds. In later years she gained weight back during a pregnancy. She even turned to VH1′s Celebrity Fit Club to combat the weight problems that had returned. It seems as though she was taking a page from Oprah’s book, where she got a show when she had the operation, and got another show when she put it back on. What a career move!

Surgery was not a magical solution. Carnie Wilson and others who undergo gastric bypass and other procedures are not addressing the root of their problem. They turn to surgery because they feel like it’s impossible to lose weight. Well, why do they lose weight with surgery? It’s only because their stomachs are reduced to the size of an egg, and they can’t overeat. Think about how drastic of a measure this is.
Carnie Wilson is a woman who can’t be trusted with her own stomach. What and how much you eat make all the difference in the world. After surgery, you have no choice but to cut back on eating. Which only proves the point that you can lose weight after all. Only sewing your mouth shut would do a better job.

Ever watch the show Survivor? Contestants eat meager rations and participate in physical challenges. Any extra weight is burned. It’s simple biology. That goes to show how efficient the human body can be. Over the years I’ve seen contestants who had anywhere from 20, 30, even 60 pounds to lose. And within three weeks of being on the island, look downright sexy. Which proves that it’s not that difficult to do. The idea of the show is not to lose weight. But it’s a byproduct of what happens. And while we are on that subject, the ration they give on that show is rice. So anyone who thinks you can’t lose weight on carbs, think again.

Still, so many seem to want their cake and eat it too.

With clever advertising, Subway has used pitchman Jared Fogle to promote its chain of fast-food restaurants. Now, it may be true that Subway’s menu is generally healthier than a lot of others in the fast food business, but it is by no means the healthiest. Subway has landed in the middle ground, and has milked it for all it’s worth. Oh and by the way, Jared hasn’t been able to keep the weight off either.
With pseudo-celebs like Jared, we reward people for things they should have done anyway. It used to be common for a person to be within a reasonable weight. It was uncommon to be as obese as Jared was. Being proud of not being obese is like being proud of not going to jail. Yes, even you, Lindsay Lohan.

I’ll start paying attention to these celebrity pitches when they can back up their claims with evidence.