“I’m at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I’ve just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.”

– Rodney Dangerfield

Rodney Dangerfield

Back in the mid-1990s, I was driving through Beverly Hills with a friend of mine, Kristine. She wanted to stop at Starbucks to get a “crap-achino” of some sort. When we were walking out, she was explaining to me about how coffee is low in calories and can raise your metabolism. I turned to her and said, “Yeah, but I’m the only one here having coffee. You would have done better with a 20-inch pizza.”


We then got into a conversation about how between 1991 and 1995 so many gourmet coffee shops had popped up in the area. Where there was a Starbucks, you could be sure to trip over a Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf right next door.

She then asked a poignant question, which was odd for Kristine, “What did we do before coffee shops?” Without taking a breath, I said, “These were all frozen yogurt shops.”

Tawny Kitaen

At that moment, my friend and I realized that the last bastion of the 1980s was gone. No more hair bands. No more Tawny Kitaen doing splits on the hood of a Jaguar. No more Brat Pack. Who would have thought that Jon Cryer would be the only to come out of it unscathed? I know what you’re thinking, what about Charlie Sheen, Rob Lowe and Robert Downey Jr.? One was drinking, one was tying off and the other was diddling, you do the math. This was a new generation. But I digress.

I told you that to tell you this. It’s a new day. It’s 2010. Starbucks has admitted to financial problems, and has closed tons of locations nationwide. They’re the new kid on the block.

Lucille Ball's famous candy scene

As for cupcakes, you can’t seem to throw a rock around Los Angeles without hitting one of these gourmet shops. Crumbs, Susie Cakes and Sprinkles just to name a few. Not to mention the TLC show dedicated to the whole thing called DC Cupcakes. These two yentas always end up in some sort of peril that they have to dig themselves out of. It’s not unlike when Lucille Ball worked in a candy factory. We used to call it sitcoms, people.

Not to get too far off subject, but remember when TV was free and good? Now we generally pay for crap. But, I digress once again, sorry. Sometimes I have a touch of ADD.

The problem I have with these cupcakes is the sheer decadence involved. The one thing they all seem to have is one and a half inches of icing stacked on top of a piece of cake. Once again, America has figured out how to stay fat.

I can close this with another Rodney Dangerfield quote. “I found there is only one way to look thin, hang out with fat people.” Well, Rodney, I guess that gets easier every day.

Rodney Dangerfield